Impermanence

Everyone at some point is brought face to face with the reality of impermanence.

Life slips like sand through our fingers.  Kids grow up, friends move, careers change, the world evolves, and each of us over the course of our lives will lose everyone and everything that we love. 

This fact is undeniable.

I realize this is probably not what you want to read about.  Most of us build our lives in avoidance of this fact.   We busy our days, fill our calendars, and make quick mental notes of the things we will do someday.  We live mentally distracted, letting ordinary moments with people we care about pass by unnoticed.  We leave everyday beauty unacknowledged.  We build comfortable routines, punting dreams as if permanence is promised and rarely pause to take in the fact that tomorrow is not guaranteed.

My intention is to not make everything sound bleak. My hope is instead to inspire a shift and refocus that emerges when we are willing to face the truth of impermanence.

We unexpectedly lost a cherished friend this week. 

Everyone who knew her shared poignant memories of ordinary moments; the little things that made her special, her smile, her energy, her authenticity, and kindness. 

The other story I heard was one of regret.

That too was my story.

Regret that I didn’t reach out to her to have coffee, as I so long had intended.

Regret that I didn’t convey to her enough how special I thought she was.

Regret for the questions I didn’t ask that would have allowed me the privilege of getting to know her and her life better.

Regret that I did not do more to let her know how much she mattered.

Earlier, I mentioned I didn't want to sound bleak, but I do hope to jolt us all awake and remind everyone: "Someday - maybe even tomorrow - this will all be gone, and it will be too late."  

“Too late…”

What can we do with that?

Regret is only useful if we listen to what it is telling us. 

Lingering in negative emotions can trap us in a downward spiral but ignoring them misses a profound opportunity for growth. 

I once heard negative emotions described as signposts. 

When we avoid negative emotions, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to uncover what truly matters to us, we miss the quiet guidance from our inner compass pointing us toward needed change, deeper meaning and fulfillment.

If we allow ourselves to listen, regret becomes our teacher. It reveals our values, telling us what is important to us.  It gently urges us to re-examine our lives. The ache of regret, uncomfortable as it is, can be an invitation, a call to action: to reach out, to slow down, to shift focus, to notice the beautiful small moments, to take in the good and live in gratitude for what is present.

The Stoic philosophers believed in living each day as if it were our last.  

Marcus Aurelius is quoted as saying, "perfection of character is this: to live each day as if it were your last, without frenzy, without apathy, without pretense."

What would shift if we lived with more respect for and present awareness of the fragility and impermanence of life? 

If you were aware that you had only a single day remaining, would you continue doing what you are doing? I do not mean to imply we should not plan or work for our future, but if we held on to the possibility that we had just one day to be with loved ones, to experience life's offerings and to invest ours; how might we reallocate our time and energy? What would become priority? What would we let go of? How would we redirect your attention, emotions, and thoughts?

I leave us with this:

Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative care nurse recorded the most common regrets expressed by her patients in their final weeks of life.  She published her observations in her 2011 book, "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying," highlighting five key regrets:

1.     I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
Many regretted living according to others' expectations instead of pursuing their own dreams and values.

2.     I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
Especially common among men of that generation, many regretting the cost of overwork on family life, friendships, and personal joy.

3.     I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Others wished they had not suppressed emotions to keep peace or avoid conflict which often led to resentment and hindered connection.

4.     I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
With the busyness of life, many regretted letting important friendships fade away, only realizing the greater value of deep connections near the end.

5.     I wish I had let myself be happier.
People realized too late that happiness is a choice and is something they could have chosen for themselves more often.

If you were to broaden your present awareness to hold with you the truth of impermanence, how would you live your day?