Teacups and Buckets
I was having a conversation with a friend recently, and she told me that she was really frustrated with herself. Things were going really well - her kids were excelling in school and their social lives were really taking off in fulfilling ways so she was always bringing them to friends’ houses or to activities. She was just promoted at work in exactly the way she’d hoped her career would progress. She was busy, but with all good things. Why then, she wondered, was she so… overwhelmed? She felt that she had no right to feel anything less than joyous and fulfilled, given that all of her “busy” was for what she’d always thought of as the “right” reasons.
It reminded me of an expression many people have used when an abundance of good comes their way - their cup runneth over.
But think about it for a second.
You’re overflowing. Yes, with good. Yes, with happy. But you’re still overflowing. And no matter how good all of the things that are happening may be, the feeling of overflow and overwhelm can be… well, overwhelming.
It’s all about capacity.
Which also works both ways. Think about this one…
You ever have one of those days? Maybe you didn’t sleep well. Maybe you’re coming down with something. Maybe it’s a full moon or your hormones are out of whack or you are preoccupied by something going on in your life. Or, or, or. One of those days where, no matter how much you try, you are running on fumes.
You go to work. Or try to read your book. Or start making dinner. Or try to play a game with your kids (or grandkids or nieces or nephews or neighbors…) and… it’s just. Not. happening.
We live in a world that expects us to give 100% of ourselves 100% of the time to 100% of the people around us. So on those days, what do you say? “I’m sorry, I’m only able to give 30%” or 25 or 10… whatever it is in that moment.
But wait. That’s not actually true.
No, I’m not about to tell you to “fake it ‘til you make it” or to “give until it hurts.”
What I’m about to say is the complete opposite of that.
On those days where life is hard, where you are operating at a lower level, that 30% you are giving… Or 25 or 10… guess what? That is, in that moment, 100%. It is 100% of what you have available to you, and you are giving it all. When your battery starts at a lower percentage, how can you expect it to operate the same as a full charge?
And here’s the other thing.
Every person on this planet has a different base level of capacity. So my 100% might look very different from yours, which looks different from your best friend, your sister, your coworker, your boss. And you know what? That is okay.
I once heard someone say that there are pint people and gallon people. A pint person can give everything that they have to a gallon person (or situation or circumstance… just go with me here), and it will never feel like enough. That gallon person (or situation or circumstance… you get it…) will always need more to be full. And, conversely, if a gallon person pours everything that they have into a pint person, situation, circumstance… it will result in a mess. Figuratively. And possibly literally… Emotions, workload… whatever that gallon person poured into that pint will overflow and overwhelm.
Just as you can’t pour from an empty vessel, you also can’t function with a cup, pitcher, heart or life that is spilling over with every step. Even though your cup may be filled with your very favorite things, it can still only carry so much. And that is not a weakness. There is beauty and grace in allowing a teacup to be a teacup, and not expect it to do the job of a bucket. Each vessel has its purpose, and when given the space and grace to live in that purpose, it is unmatched by any other vessel. So, too, with you. Embrace and love your heart, soul and capacity - whether it is a teacup or a pitcher, a pint or a gallon. Be gentle with what you allow in so that you can savor what fits and live in flow - not overflow.